I’m still a little unsure as to the direction I want this blog to take. Is it going to be another informative activist foodie blog? Will it just be an online journal? Will there be DIY projects and recipes? Will there be political rants and please for activism from my readers? Will it be a collection of semi-theological, libertarian, earth-stewardship rants? Will it be cute pictures of whatever small creature currently inhabits my spare time and clutters my SIM card of my camera? Will it be a place to brag without mercy about how awesome life is? Will it be a place to completely wilt and fall apart about how crappy my day is? Will it be a cesspool of adds blocking the promised soundbite of actual desired information? I guess it will be a little of each, except perhaps the last one (pet peeve: if your blog gets so cluttered with adds that you are supposedly making money off of by people clicking on, that I can’t find your actual post, please know that no matter how interesting your writing may be, I’m not going to read it. That’s just me).
I used to think I was alone and unique in the fact that I am 32 – technically an adult, and by the previous generation’s standards, I’m ‘middle aged’ – however to my relief my fellow Millennials feel that adulthood has just begun. So whew. I’m not old yet – and still trying to define what functional adulthood means. What does it mean to live in peace with yourself, your past, your fellow man, your circumstances? What does it mean to take ownership of your life without slipping into being a control freak? How do you balance being a good steward of your health, your body, your safety, and not become an obnoxious fanatic everyone groans to hear from? Yeah I thought I was completely alone in these thought processes. However, I’m finding as I grow older, more vulnerable, ask more questions, get out of my bubble more, and get to know more people, that really that’s just the journey of life we are all on. All of us have a Past, all of us have hurts. All of us struggle with forgiving those who should have known better, who should have done something but didn’t, and who are still clueless as to why the hurt exists. All of us have made mistakes. None of us want to be judged. All of us want love and peace, and most of us are still struggling to define what that means and what it looks like.
I’ve always loved to write. Mostly stories of dragons and fairies, and I always had a journal as a kid, thanks to my Grandma Trudy. Thanks to my Grandma Donna, I always had wonderful adventures from my summers to fill those journals with. Despite being told, assured, exhorted, admonished and encouraged that I’m a good writer and people like reading what I’ve written, I still feel self-conscious about my writing. My gift of description tends to lead to run on sentences, and despite speaking three languages and Signing one, Grammar and I have never really been friends.
So this dusted off blog is partially for you and partially for me. Partially so my poor introverted husband isn’t attacked by his gift-of-gab wife whenever he comes home tired from work and just wants to decompress for fifteen minutes. If I spew some of my words into cyberspace, maybe I can restrain myself for the fifteen minutes he needs to take off his boots, chug a glass of our raw, whole milk, breathe deeply for a few minutes, and then reboot so he can enjoy what I have to share with him. Partially so I can process my life, because I am an external processor, and partially so that on the days when I think I’m a failure at life and am boring I can re-read what I’ve written and be encouraged. That’s the ‘for me’ part. The ‘for you’ part is you get to read an allegedly wonderful writer try and embrace this gift of sharing life through words. Hopefully it will encourage you that there are REAL people tackling the multitude of issues our society faces – about living beyond a i-something screen (ironic, that an online article talks about living not solely on a computer!) and wholesome food, pollinator sanctuaries, gardens, families, friends, communities, Amish Friends, Farmer Friends, City Friends, Police Officers, Hippies, Cats and Dogs do all exist in the world still! And maybe it will inspire you to try tackling some things of your own.
We just finished our first year on a farm, and I’ve talked with others at the Farmer’s Market about how all the how-to books are written by people who have done it for 20 something years, are now successful, and only have a little blurb somewhere in the introduction or epilogue about how the farm creatures don’t read the how-to books and not every day is glamorous. But there isn’t a book that gives you a look about what the first five years are like in real time, that still gives you hope at the end. I mean it kind of makes sense; only 2% of the Farms started in our country last beyond 5 years. I guess we’re all too busy surviving or feeling guilty about our ‘failures’ to want to broadcast to the world, ‘hey you should try this too!’ But I’ve got a wacky sense of pride; I don’t mind talking about the weird, wacky, slightly embarrassing – if its real and helpful and true to life. So I don’t mind telling you that the first six months of farming I was strictly “NO medications, pesticides, wormicides, germicides, antibiotics…. Nothing! Just herbs and nutrition!” and then after two weeks of BEASTIES invading all my young creatures AND my small intestine I suddenly became very integrated in my treatment approach and got to know my vet rather well. Then I spent the next six months experimenting with how to incorporate Allopathic and Natural treatments to myself, my young creatures, and my husband. I may even write a blog post about THAT one of these days!
All that being said, please don’t read my blog and feel bad about yourself, comparing yourself to me and say, “See she’s got it all together! I could never do what she does!” Because I don’t and you can. The only thing that makes me more able to do this is I’m not the guy on Apollo 13 who barks, “FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!” Failure is necessary, because from failure we learn. At least in learning curves of Homesteading, Housekeeping and Cooking, or other areas we’re learning in (Now obviously there are some things you don’t want to fail at, and there’s a few things I’ve decided I’m NOT going to fail at – like my Marriage. Therefore we go to Counseling. We set ourselves up for success). I say all that very humbly because I’ve heard people make statements like that to my face, and it always makes me feel very bad about myself and that person. I’m not trying to show you up! I’m just trying to be Faithful to what I’ve been put on this earth to do. You aren’t me and you aren’t supposed to do exactly what I’m doing. Find your own niche! You are good at things that I’m not good at. For example, I just really cringe at the thought of working in an office 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and have an eight figure salary doing that. That sounds like prison to me – but there are people in this world to whom that sounds like pure heaven. Great! Go for it! I’ll dig in the dirt and breathe free air and enjoy the value of the Dollar while buying my Apple Trees, and you work in the office and keep our dollar values stable, and read about my crazy adventures in your clean office and air conditioning and desk that is undoubtedly free of dust and has glossy pictures and nifty office gadgets. Both of us are necessary to keep our society and community running, and that’s great! We could still meet at a coffee shop (preferably a farm-to-table, fair trade, organic coffee shop and sit in upcycled chairs made from pallets from Walmart… but Starbucks is acceptable too…..) and share the differences of our lives and learn from each other, have a few laughs, and walk away both feeling edified and uplifted. No problem.
So there you have it, dusted off blog. I really don’t know if this post has a Thesis statement other than, “Hey I’m back! AUGH!”
But hopefully you found it entertaining and thought provoking.