I know I literally just updated my blog a matter of minutes ago, but I HAD to share this. I just checked facebook and saw this heartrending post from a girl who I'd fallen out of touch with, but who was a fun classmate of mine back in college: Friends and Family, I wanted to update you and let you know that Sunday night I broke my left foot.
I'll be getting a cast or boot tomorrow morning, and will know more about what the next month of healing will look like--but I will most likely not be able to walk on it for some time.
This week has been difficult both physically and emotionally and yet I know that God is teaching me so many things. This is the weakest I have ever been. Not only is it difficult to do basic things like cooking, bathing, and getting around the house--there are details and plans to finish up in the next 17 days before Mike and I marry.
God is sovereign. Before Sunday I have never broken a bone or even twisted an ankle, yet 3 weeks before my wedding this happens. I know that God knows what He is doing.
He knows that my heart has for years dreamed about what my wedding will be like and how I will look. This idolatry has clouded the reality of what marriage is and has even killed the joy that I can have on my wedding day.
He knows that I am very stubborn and even fear asking people for help and in His kindness He is humbling my proud heart and forcing me to ask for help.
He knows that so often I put my hope in tomorrows. He is constantly and patiently teaching me that I must only and can only hope in Him.
Oh my Father knows what I need.
I have cried a lot this week, but mostly when I see how selfless and Christlike Mike has been to me. He has taken every burden on that he can find--only that I may find joy in Jesus and know that God loves me. I am so amazed that I get to marry this man.
Yesterday, my dad told me with all sincerity that if I cannot walk down the aisle--he will carry me. Yeah--I cried after this too.
And so--I may not look the way I've always dreamed, I may not have the decorations together, I may not be able to dance but as the Lord wills-- I will marry Michael Lambelet and for this I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for how good the Lord is and for the many ways He is faithful to me.
Its ironic that I should be reading this almost one year since Kyle and I got married. A flood of memories came back to me and I had to respond. Here is what I wrote:
Dear friend, I just read your heartfelt post and I had to respond. A few months before my wedding I sprained my ankle and I know how scary that is! By God's grace it healed in plenty of time before my wedding, BUT: Right before I sprained my ankle my sister had moved in with me and was very emotionally needy, and my parents shunned me during all of that time. It really rocked my faith and killed my joy about the wedding. Whenever we'd start to talk about plans I'd burst into tears, as my youngest sister couldn't be my flower girl, my mom wouldn't be helping me plan anything, my dad wouldn't be saying anything dorky yet eloquent. I had to really sacrifice a lot of my dreams. Most of them were idolatrous and silly, but some were important. I felt really guilty throughout it all - guilty for being happy, for not being happy, etc. But I learned an important lesson: A wedding is not a sparkly party where we look beautiful. A wedding is not a social event. A wedding is not a dream come true. A wedding is a rite of passage. A wedding is a huge symbol of becoming the woman God has planned for you to become. And the way you travel through that rite of passage is very symbolic of what kind of woman you will become. I went through clinging to God and leaning heavily on my then fiance' for guidance and support. If you are carried down the isle in your earthly fathers arms - oh how beautiful! I'm tearing up as I write it. No it won't be as you dreamed, but how tenderly powerful as your father literally hands you over to your new husband! Emily how much more powerful than walking! Every bride walks down holding onto her fathers arms. How many girls are carried by their fathers? I know you are in physical and emotional pain now, but I encourage you dear sister to focus on the blessing this tragedy is turning into. I hope this was encouraging and not anything else. I'll be praying for you dear girl! I'm so excited you have met your soulmate!!! MIss you girly and don't lose sight of the ultimate awesomeness: YOU GET TO BE A MRS SOON!!!!!
A normal woman learning to serve an Extraordinary Lord in Ordinary ways, and watching Him turn it into Amazing Grace!
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